This Spring's Fashions..

Well, after a couple of warm weeks Agent Triple P can make his observations on the rather radical new Spring fashions as interpreted by young women in London.

We like:

Mini skirts (and the nano-mini in particular -I've seen two now, worn to great effect in both cases: especially the one preceding me up the stairs at Knightsbridge station the other night. Things are definitely looking up!)

Pleated skirts. Flirty and floaty ones especially.

Shorts. Not those dreadful long baggy "culottes" we saw last year (has there ever been a more offensive item of women's clothing - except pop socks?) but proper short, tailored shorts.

Boots. Especially with shorts and miniskirts.

Low cut tops. (but see below) We like the sweetheart neckline.

We don't like:

Empire line dresses. They just look like maternity wear, especially as they seem to have such voluminous skirts. Do you really want to look six months gone or is it just a cunning plan to blackmail men to give up their seats on the underground? It's hard enough to tell pregnant women from fat ones these days, anyway, without compounding it.

Psychedelic prints. I'm sorry but this return to early 1970's Habitat curtain material is awful. Especially the horrific black/turquoise/lime green one which seems so popular. Inexplicably.

Hippy chic. It makes you look like a hippy-convoy, tree-hugging eco-loon. More seventies. How quickly people forget..

Footless tights. Especially under miniskirts. Destroys the whole point of miniskirts which is to show off well toned legs.

Trousers under skirts. Make up your minds, women! Oh, and of course it makes your behind look HUGE!

Really, really low cut tops. Ones which are so low cut that they reveal the architecture of your bra. I had to deal with three of these (six?) recently. One in a supposedly serious government meeting, one at dinner and the other on the station platform. You try not to stare, you really do but.. The term, "asking for it", springs to mind.. Actually so much detail becomes visible that the person's own physical shortcomings are revealed and what a clever push up bra can camouflage these tops confirm, often deleteriously. No doubt Agent DVD would have a different view (ideally at chest level from about ten inches away).

High waisted trousers and shorts. Agent Triple P enjoys the slices of tummy displayed by hipster fashions, even if some of them are tummies that shouldn't be displayed at all. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the pendulum swung again but, nevertheless, we are sad to see this swing starting.

Platform soles. Great, if you want to look like Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's monster.

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