New Lara Croft Alison Carroll

Alison as Lara

So, the makers of the Tomb Raider game have announced a new Lara Croft. Well, of course, she isn't really a new Lara Croft; she is a girl who dresses up as Lara Croft to advertise new versions of the game. Lara Croft does not actually, of course, exist. Not that this stopped the UK government a few years ago who made her an export ambassador. Those chaps in Victoria really do need to get out more.

The new girl, 23 year old Alison Carroll, is a former receptionist from Croydon and, how can we put it, is not exactly built like some of the previous incarnations. She does seem to have a good wonderbra, though.


However, she does appear to be as flexible as you would expect given that she is a former UK international gymnast. She certainly looked impressively mobile on the video clip we watched yesterday, doing all sorts of somersaults and tumbles. Very useful if you are pretending to avoid a CGI dinosaur, or some such


Agent Triple P's favourite Lara Croft impersonator, however, remains sultry Moroccan model Karima Adebibe. She really did look like Lara Croft should do.

Karima displays her huge weapons

None of them sound like her, of course, (except Angelina Jolie, ironically). Alison does sound very Saff London.

Angelina. Posh

Triple P is not really a computer games player and indeed has only really played two games, the original Tomb Raider and a Lord of the Rings game. He finds that such games take up an inordinate amount of time which could be beter spent blogging, eating out or spending time with exotic foreign women in exotic foreign places. Nevertheless we have a soft spot for Ms Croft and wish her new flexible avatar well.

The real Lara

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Why we won't be watching the Olympics

Happy, smiling people.

Agent Triple P loves the Olympics. He is not interested in team sports on the whole (apart from American Football) but has always taken a week off work every four years to watch every heat and qualification round of the athletics.

But not this year. Because this year the Olympics are in China. Now, this is nothing to do with Tibet, per se and in fact the concentration on Tibet distracts from all the other bad things the Chinese government does.

If we put on a really big show everyone will love us. Or else.

It's just that China is using the Olympics to validate themselves politically in the eyes of the world in a way we haven't seen since Moscow in 1980 and, indeed Nazi Germany in 1936.

At least the Russian people had the gumption to kick out their nasty government.

The International Olympic Committee gave the games (stupidly) to China in the hope that they would ameliorate some of their less acceptable behaviour towards their own citizens. China has shown, surprise, surprise no intention of doing this at all. Now they expect us all to ignore this elephant in the room and congratulate them on a huge show. They don't seem to be able to understand why many in the West can't just be impressed by their wonderful efforts.

Well, that's exactly why we don't like you, guys.
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Get a Blooming Move On!: 3

There are many things that Agent Triple P is enjoying about working in the West End: the very lightly dressed young women, the easy access to several large bookshops, the proximity of Waitrose at John Lewis.

But one thing is driving me so mad it is no doubt shortening my life. People on Oxford Street walk really, really slowly! There you are trying to get to the tube and bunches of foreigners (there are no English people on Oxford Street so far as I can see) wander along making mobile phone calls, looking in trashy shop windows or just moping about.

Its London, not Slowtania, Inertianesia or Up North.

Get a blooming move on!
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