Playboy on a hard drive

HMS has kindly pointed out an advertisement for a 250GB hard drive which contains a copy of every Playboy since the first one, from December 1953. 

Bondi Publishing have had the rights for digital scans of Playboy for some years but have rather failed to deliver since the first edition of the 1950s issues came out at the end of 2007.  Our particular friend from Washington DC, R, very kindly gave us the 1950s box which included a facsimile of the very first issue (actual copies of which go for around $1,500), a cds of the issues and a book.  The sets for the other decades failed to materialise so now they have obviously decided to package them all together in one handy unit.  The individual 50s box set went for around $100 so  $299.95  for six decades is pretty good value.

The Bondi product consists of double page scans of not particularly high quality.  The centrefolds, however, are higher resolution pictures taken from the digital archive on the Playboy site.  As such, if you want a totally accurate facsimile, they aren't quite right as the modern digital images are taken from the original negatives before re-touching.

As an example here we have Miss December 1959, Ellen Stratton as she appears in the Bondi Playboy reproductions.  Her see-through knickers reveal a few ginger wisps that were re-touched out of the original printed in the magazine.  Incidentally, this is why the Wikipedia entry on The Pubic Wars erroneously lists Melodye Prentiss as being the first centrefold to flash a touch of fur; the author of that sentence had obviously been looking at the digital version of the centrefold rather han the actual magazine.

We would be quite tempted by this product as the Bondi index and search functions are pretty good so it would be a very useful index.  Nevertheless, Triple P likes having the actual magazine and has 397 out of the 650 or so issues.
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Kayla Collins still in I'm a Celebrity...

A truly horrible bikini!

Much to Agent Triple P's surprise Playboy playmate Kayla Collins remains in contention for I'm a Celebrity...  She was, amazingly, not one of the first four people to be evicted by the public vote, although given that she has done very little other than squeak in that annoying American way and wander about in her horrible swimsuits we suspect she may be out soon!

Better in every way...

The ITV producers seem to have given in on showing her swimsuit line as said three (rather trashy) swimsuits have been making ever increasing appearances.  Frankly, lace on a swimsuit is just wrong, even if it is what is known in the top department stores as "cruise wear" (swimsuits which aren't designed to get wet.

I'm sorry but this is not a good look even for the super skinny.  frankly it just makes you look a bit chubby!

Speaking of appearances we are becoming increasingly fascinated by Kayla's swollen and immobile upper lip.  Britt Ekland's face is equally immobile but she is 68 and has had everything lifted.  Kayla is only 24 and it is really rather tragic that she feels that it is necessary to mess about with what was a perfectly pretty face.  But pink lace and animal print is not good!

Well, we will see if she survives today but she must be close to the end of her sell by date.  We can then look forward to her celebrating being evicted with more bikini pictures in the sea...
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Pudding insanity on eBay: Heston's Hidden Orange Christmas Pudding

The newsapapers report today that Mr Egg-on-legs, Heston Blumenthal's hidden orange Christmas pudding for Waitrose has sold out.  As a result, they go on, there were 30 on ebay going for up to £100 each.  Well, that may have been the case this morning but now there are 56 on eBay as people decide they'd rather have the money than the pudding.  The early lots are going for around £100 but some of the ones coming in today are still only £16 (galling if you've bid £102 for one, eh?).  Some people have even put them on as a "buy it now" at £250!  We think the rush of late entires may have over-egged the pudding, as surely there are only so many people stupid enough to pay £100 for a £10 pudding.  They can't make any more before Christmas, it seems, as the orange inside it needs 7 weeks to soak in whatever disgusting stuff it has to soak in (have you ever seen a Heston Blumenthal recipe that you'd actually want to eat?).

After all if you like Christmas pudding presumably you'd want to eat pudding not find a large percentage of it has been relaced by a squishy orange (complete with peel).  Of course, it is just a variant on good old Sussex Pond Pudding but think how many expensive pudding ingredients you save by replacing it with a cheap orange.  Very good in recession-hit Britain.  Maybe they could invent one with a potato in for the Irish.  It's rather like those pork pies with eggs in. We like pork pie but we like the pie; don't replace part of the contents with a cheap, manky hard-boiled egg.  Maybe Heston got the idea by looking at himself in the mirror.  

Humpty has an eggcellent idea..

Apparently, one was returned to Triple P's local Waitrose yesterday (because the people had two, not because there was anything wrong with it -bet they wished they hadn't returned it now!).  Anyway, Waitrose decided not to put it back on the shelves as they were worried there would be a riot!   Someone is taking the pith.    
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More Piranhas but no Kelly

Kelly last night

The lovely Kelly Brook reached the grand old age of 31 last night and was out and about in London, courting the paparazzi. 

Talking of Kelly, we learned today that, much to our surprise, Piranha 3D was both a commercial and critical success; grossing nearly $77 million on a budget of $24 million.  It was so successful that they have already announced a sequel, to be called Piranha 3DD (good grief!).  Sadly, Kelly is unlikely to be in it as her character was...well, eaten by Piranhas. 


She already has another film on the way, however, and will be seen in gothic horror Removal shortly.  Kelly plays an estate agent and actually gets a credit on the billing block (as it is known).  Not exactly the next Mission Impossible, but her role was the direct result of a producer seeing her in Piranha 3D so her Hollywood campaign seems to be moving on.

Co-incidentally, Piranha 3D is released on DVD and Blu-ray on Agent Triple P's birthday in January.  This would be a good opportunity to give a hint to Agent DVD, except he is dodging elephants on a mountain bike in Ceylon.

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A really annoying advertisement!

For some reason advertisements (or "commercials" as only people in the industry call them) on radio are much more annoying than when they are on TV.  Possibly because they are disassociated from any possibly redeeming visuals but mostly, we suspect, the reason is that there seem to be a lot less adverts on radio at any one point in time compared with TV.  The other issue is that, because of the nature of the medium, they tend to be information heavy.  You can't just show some nice footage of the product accompanied by music.  No, you have to suffer the thing that makes Agent Triple P hate radio so much; people talking at you.

Classic FM always seems to be cursed with a particularly annoying set of adverts and always drawn from a very small selection so that you get the same advert over and over again.  Some of them are so annoying we actually have to turn the radio off. 

Oi, Gary, stop polluting our airwaves with your smarmy oleaginous tones, you soporific, self-satisfied sounding American!

Most annoying at present is one of those Honda adds featuring the lugubrious voice of Garrison (real name Gary) Keillor.  Why is it that a Japanese firm selling in Britain feels that it is appropriate to use an American voice?  Is it because they are trying to sound less Japanese?  

British actor Simon Day must have got just as sick of Andy Williams as Agent triple P whilst making this advert

Anyway we would never buy anything made by Honda as a result; particularly as they were responsible for the really annoying "Impossible dream" TV advert featuring Agent Triple P's least favourite singer Andy fucking Williams!   Christmas is approaching and with it the terrifying prospect of "It's the most wonderful time of the year" playing everywhere again.  Fortunately Agent Triple P's planned visit to Canada (this particular song is far more popular in North Amrica) before Christmas has had to be postponed on account of the fact that we have to go to Africa instead.  Hopefully they will not have Andy Williams in Africa.

While we are on the subject of Classic FM another really annoying thing at present is their announcer who gives the frequency details.  It's the way he pronounces "digital" that annoys Triple P.   "Blah blah blah and on digital radio".  Now everyone Triple P knows pronounces this word "digi-tul" (with the third syllable rhyming with "bull" ) and the second vowel hardly being pronounced at all; as if written "digitle".  This ghastly fellow pronounces it "digi-tal" (third syllable rhyming with "shall") with far more emphasis on the third syllable.  Yes we know that the word is spelt "digital" but is still drives us mad!

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Kayla Collins in swimsuit ruckus

Kayla Colllins: lippy.  Compare with the photo below

Playboy Playmate Kayla Collins is making almost no impression on ITV reality show I'm a celebrity get me out of here!   Sadly for her she appears to be a nice, sweet girl with no sense of humour.   It's not that she is humourless she just isn't funny and to win his particular show that is what you have to be. 

One of Kayla's swimsuits

So far the female side of the show has been completely dominated by Scotish macrobiotic menace (what goes into a vegan haggis?) Gillian McKeith, who has a complete panic attack if she, literally, sees a fly. 

A swimsuit with lace on it?

Poor Kayla was hoping to push her new swimsuit range and has taken three items from her future line into the jungle.  Unfortunately, she has run foul of ITV's product placement rules so her chances of repeating Mylene Klass' endless shower scenes have disappeared.  ITV are having to limit the amount of time she can be shown in her swimsuit.

A fleeting appearance in the jungle for one of her swimsuits

Of course it's not all bad for little Kayla as the controversy itself has garnered welcome publicity.  After all, who would have know her swimsuits were from her range if she hadn't been banned from wearing them?

Kayla with a normal top lip in 2008

More worrying for Kayla is that her top lip has been the subject of much hilarity on the internet.  Just what has she had injected into it?

She has looked quite cute in a tiny pair of shorts but at 5'2" she doesn't really have the legs...

Anyway, more of Kayla wearing considerably fewer clothes over at Venus Observations here: Kayla
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Kelly Brook for Playboy...again!

Apparently. Kelly Brook's Playboy appearance was so popular she has already done another shoot for them.  What welcome news.  Let's hope it isn't quite as "arty" as the last one. 

Of course, people could be getting confused with her pre-Playboy shoot pictures which were done as a test and which we show here.

She probably needs the money as the appropriately named Michelle Mone, the head of the Ultimo lingerie firm with whom Kelly had a three year contract, ended the contract early as she didn't feel that posing nude was quite the thing for her firm's image. 

Kelly for Ultimo

Of course not, you wouldn't dream of using sex to sell lingerie would you?  Hadn't you remembered that Kelly was always a lingerie, topless and nude model.  That's why you hired her you puritanical Scottish nit! 

Meanwhile, Kelly turned up to the Princes Trust Rock Gala this week and the Daily Mail immediately launched into her saying that she had got too thin.

Kelly this week

The Daily Mail employs a swarm of evil harridans in their entertainment and beauty pages who spend their whole time attacking the appearance of every female celebrity you can name.   Whatever happened to sisterhood?

They particularly like to highlight women who have, according to their own bizzare standards, got too thin/too fat, have cellulite, have wrinkles, bad hair, look old, are overdressed or underdressed etc.etc.  The fact of the matter is that many of the fat/thin pictures are often just due to what sort of lens the photographer was using.

This one's our favourite!

Now Kelly has a dilemma because while Hollywood likes its actresses and presenters stick-thin it likes it glamour models to have big busts.

Given that Kelly is a natural girl (a cause for impressed amazement on many US websites - does everyone in America now have a fake bust?) she will of course see a proportionate lessening of her prime assets if she really is losing weight. 

A tricky trade off, eh, Kelly?  Or maybe a period of yo-yo dieting is called for.  TV programme?  Quick, two weeks on lettuce and carrot juice.  Playboy shoot?  Pasta and cakes!

She's got to rush, though, because she will be 31 next Tuesday which is a positively geological age in Hollywood!
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Most searched items: September 2010

Cindy Morgan

Quite a few movements and re-entries this month.  Highest new entry is for Simone Bendix with Megan Fox being the biggest climber.

1 (3) Cindy Morgan. A surprise number 1 this month.
2 (10) Megan Fox. Big climb for Megan.
3 (19) Cheryl Cole. X factor returns and so does Cheryl.
4 (4) Kelly Brook. Kelly drops out of the top thre.  Time to get your clothes off again, Kelly!
5 (2) Linda Lusardi. Down at last.
6 (4) Margaret Nolan. Slight drop for Margaret too.  Just seen her in Carry on Girls!
7 (9) Jennifer Connelly. Up again for elegant Hollywood star.
9 (11) Ayshea Brough. Up two for UFO babe.
10 (7) Gabrielle Drake. Up for another UFO babe.
11 (-) Simone Bendix.  New entry for Space Precinct actress.
12 (-) Andrea Allan.  Re-entry for a third UFO girl.
13 (17) Pirate girls. Highest "group" search
14 (15) Polynesian Girls. One up for South Seas lovelies.
15 (8) Irina Shayk. Big drop for WAG Irena.
16 (-) Brande Roderick.  Re-entry for grape-crushing Playmate.
17 (20) Penelope Ann Miller. Hollywood redhead continues to rise.
18 (-) Julie Blanc.  Re-entry for Tour de France podium girl.
19 (-) Lauren Pope. Re-entry for busty Brit model.
20 (-) Jade Ewen.  Re-entry for Sugababe.

Crashing out in September were Tori Praver, Sofia Helqvist and Luci Victoria.

Top non girlie searches were :

1 Lagar de Bouza Albarino,
2 Mark Cavendish Bike.
3 The Big Country soundtrack. Jerome Moross.
4 Fontainebleau Hotel, Miami Beach.
5 Sanger-Bredt anti-podal bomber.
6 R5 booster rocket.
7 Tom Poulton.
8 Phillips cassette recorder
9 Talk like a Pirate day.
10 1962 Cadillac.
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Oblong Chorizo!

Sometimes you come across something of such simple genius that you can't imagine why no one thought of it before.  Agent Triple P discovered such a thing yesterday in the form of this oblong, sliced chorizo at Waitrose.  Now, Agent Triple enjoys for a light lunch, occasionally, some healthy crispread with his favourite topping: chorizo, cave-aged Emmenthal, cucumber, finely sliced tomato and sliced cornichons with mayonnaise.  Up until now, getting round slices of chorizo oriented correctly on oblong crispbread has involved much fiddly cutting and placing.  No longer!  Oblong chorizo slices are the perfect soloution.  Brilliant!
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Arielle Dombasle at the Crazy Horse

Agent DVD popped over yesterday and, whether he wanted to or not, helped out with some jobs (like turning the dinghy over for the winter).  As a not really big enough thank you we leant him our DVD of Arielle Dombasle at the Crazy Horse.

Now, Agent Triple P is a particular fan of Ms Dombasle and would have given his eye teeth to see her series of performances at the Crazy Horse in Paris in February 2007. We can't think of an English or American actress who, in her mid-fifties, would strip off completely whilst singing on stage and, above all, still look sensational doing so.  Bravo Arielle!

Agent Triple P has, sadly, never been to the Crazy Horse in Paris although we have been to the one in the MGM Grand in Las Vegas where they have an exact copy of the theatre and quite some of the most beautiful girls we have ever seen.

It's an excellent show and quite suitable for taking a young lady along to, as we did. In fact a good half of the audience were women when S and Triple P went along. Well worth doing if you are ever in either Las Vegas or Paris.  Sadly, there will be no Arielle though!

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Concrete Mixer drops on train in Oxshott

Total chaos around Triple P's house today as yesterday afternoon a concrete mixer (not a cement mixer, as the press erroneously reports) fell off the bridge at Oxshott railway station, hit a train and bounced onto the side of the railway line, where it is likely to remain until Monday at least. 

The main road from the M25 to the A3 (about two miles) has been closed off at either end, involving much circuitous, alternate route finding.  Why they have had to close off quite so much of the road is beyond Agent Triple P; a couple of hundred feet in either direction would have been quite enough we would have thought.

The accident happened at about 15.30 and the concrete mixer landed on the train going from Guildford to Waterloo.  Fortunately, there weren't too many people on it at that time of day.  Five people were injured  and the driver of the concrete mixer is doing better than originally thought. 

You can see where the mixer hit the train half way down on the left

Agent Triple P and Agent DVD go under this bridge twice a day.  It would never occur to you that a concrete mixer might land on your head!  We couldn't possible comment on the cause of the accident but Agent Triple P has lived here for sixteen years and has never heard of anyone hitting the bridge parapet before.  It is at the bottom of a short steep hill so if you were going too fast...  Even so, the bend would take you over to the other side... Odd!
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Leaf Blowers. Why?

No people with leaf blowers actually look like this

Triple P was out and about in Britain's answer to Beverley Hills today and finds the place is infested with leaf blowers.

This is a particularly pointless American invention which, yes, blows leaves about.  So, you have leaves in front of your house, you switch on your noisy, polluting leaf blower and it blows the leaves one or two yards.  Excellent!  You can the blow them into the road where they will make a nice slippery surface for cars or cyclists.  Or you can blow them down the road so that they are all in front of your neighbours house.  Or, er, that's it, really.  What then happens is that the wind then blows them all back again within an hour or two.  This is because people who have leafblowers are, by definition, too lazy to do proper gardening where you collect up leaves with a rake or broom and then dispose of them!   They are mostly too fat to bend down and pick them up so they just shove them somwhere else.

Whether the spread of these infernal engines is due to the large amount of Americans living here or just that people living here have so much money they don't know what to do with it, I don't know.  But they should be banned. Now!
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