International Talk like a Pirate Day

There be a mighty fine number of buckles to be swashed and undone!

Aargh, an' if the year ain't moved on apace for it be international talk like a pirate day once more! A trio of lusty wenches to feast yer scurvy eyes on, rot me and carve yeself with a marlinspike!

Swipe me, but a wench wi' a cutlass is as fine an invitation as ye need after a few weeks plunderin!

A handy place to store thee cannonballs, an else!

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Most searched items: August 2010

1 (8) Kelly Brook. At last!
2 (1) Linda Lusardi. Just pipped this month.
3 (2) Cindy Morgan. Stays in top three again.
4 (3) Margaret Nolan. Hugely popular sixties model.
5 (4) Tori Praver. Most popular Sports Illustrated girl by far.
6 (10) Sofia Helqvist. Swedish Royal's girlfriend.
7 (12) Gabrielle Drake. Big climb for classy actress.
8 (6) Irene Shayk. Footballer's girlfriend status keeps her near the top.

9 (-) Jennifer Connelly. Lovely Hollywood actress is highest entry this month.
10 (-) Megan Fox. Another Hollywood hottie. Allegedly.
11 (11) Ayshea Brough. UFO babe.
12 (20) Luci Victoria. Good climb this month for British playmate.
13 (7) Jarah Mariano. The other really popular swimsuit babe.
14 (15) Hawaiian girls. Island honeys.
15 (18) Polynesian Girls. South Seas girls bubble up.
16 (-) Katrina Hodge Re-entry for Combat Barbie.
17 (9) Pirate girls.
18 (13) Sophie Howard. Badoing!
19 (14) Cheryl Cole. Back from the dead pop twiglet.
20 (-) Penelope Ann Miller. Hollywood redhead.

Jennifer Connelly bounces into the top twenty but very few new entries this month. Penelope Ann Miller is a first timer.

Top non girlie searches were :

1 Mark Cavendish Bike.
2 German flying saucers.
3 Fontainebleau Hotel, Miami Beach.
4 Sanger-Bredt anti-podal bomber.
5 Son Jarocho.
6 Soyuz booster.
7 Errol Flynn.
8 Valley of Gwangi. Jerome Moross.
9 The Big Country. Jerome Moross.
10. 1962 Cadillac.
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Twist off tops. Grr!

Agent Triple P was desperately trying to open a jar of cornichons last night and had terrible trouble twisting off the lid. Now whilst this may be a French plot to make us all expire with apoplexy and to push our blood pressure up so they can flog us "medicinally beneficial" red wine, more likely we are literally losing our grip as we get older.

Some time ago we even had to invest in one of those rubber mats which really old people buy to help them with twist off jar and bottle tops. Even this didn't help and we had to go and stick it under a tap of hot running water for five minutes.

To make things worse we then struggled for another five minutes with one of those horrid plastic corks in a bottle of Cotes-du-Rhone blanc (maybe it is a French plot after all) as it resisted three of our corkscrews.

What we need is a nice, fit young lady to deal with all these recalcitrant storage devices. Possibly a tennis player would have the requisite strength in her forearms!
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