Girls in the News Today

Well a number of women in the news today for sundry different reasons:

Lindsay Lohan

Well, alright, she's always in the news but I'm never quite sure why. Like Sienna Miller she is another "actress" who's appeared in a lot of films you've never heard of, let alone actually seen.

Mostly she's famous for staggering drunkenly out of nightclubs with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, none of whom seem to own a pair of knickers between them (look carefully at this picture of her getting out of a boat). Today the binge drinking, underwear averse freckle-skinned daughter of an investment banker is in the papers for being caught snogging a girl-friend. Quite normal, she explains, for those times they don't have a boyfriends. This should excite me a lot more than it does. Despite being a natural redhead (although any evidence of that has been waxed away) Agent Triple P is getting sick of her.

Incidentally, my cousin has a friend who works in a CGI company in Australia. He had to digitally reduce the size of her breasts for LL's appearance in a Herbie film (he had to do the opposite for Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider). That was after she reputedly had silicone implants to boost them, of course. Hollywood, good grief.

Lana Clarkson

Murdered four years ago by weirdy sixties record producer Phil Spector (allegedly) at least I have actually seen one of this D-list actress' films. The epic Barbarian Queen, supposedly about Romans attacking a Celtic (or some such) village and Lana and her frequently topless (and even more unknown) girlie co-stars setting out for revenge. Had absolutely no authentic props, costumes or sets at all and looked rather like a tits out episode of Xena (which it predated by ten years). Honestly, there are few enough attractive women without nutcases shooting them. Hope he gets locked up for a long time.

Hollywood, good grief!

Anya Hindmarch

Apparently she is the "Queen of Bagland" (does that make her a bag lady?) and her I'm not a Plastic Bag bag sold out in minutes at 450 Sainsbury's stores today as women queued from 3.00 am to get one.. They cost £5 and are now selling on eBay for £50 plus. Of course the idiot women who bought them proudly took them out of the shop..in plastic bags!

This is why men rule the planet.

Queen Nefertiti

Well, not actually her as she is sealed up in tomb KV35 in the Valley of the Kings (allegedly) in rather poor condition. No, the marvellous scupture of her whisked off by the Krauts in 1912. By recording the find as unimportant and burying details of it in pages of tedious paperwork they fooled the Egyptians (and indeed the French who ran the Antiquities Department at that time) in to letting it go to Berlin where it has since been displayed. Except it hasn't lately as whenever Agent Triple P went there the museum was under renovation. Now the Egyptians want it back for their new museum near the Pyramids. The Germans won't let them have it. Perhaps they should play a game for it, winner takes the statue. Marbles, perhaps.

Jessica Alba

Jessica has just been voted FHM's sexiest woman of 2007. Now, purely for research purposes, I decided I better get a copy of this publication. Disappointingly, the photo they used to illustrate this fine looking young woman had her rather overdressed in a brown dress. Why do people wear poo coloured clothes? So here are some of my favourites. She even looks good in paparrazzi shots like the awesome one at the top.

Now I am very fond of Jessica. I have 137 pictures of her in my computer. Agent Triple P spotted her potential in Dark Angel long before she became a superstar. But sexiest? I'm afraid she is too clean cut for me. All this non-nudity clause in her contract stuff. What's the point of a beautiful young starlet who won't take her clothes off? I suspect she is a bit vanilla in intimate action too. I'd rather have a less attractive slutty, European woman. Sexiness is not just about appearance. And Scarlett Johannsen is still the sexiest looking.

Hollywood, good grief!

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