Miss January: Emma B.

Well here is Emma B looking very subtle for January. The pink and black corset has that sort of Agent Provocateur look to it (in our limited experience). We have always liked hold-up stockings (she doesn't need the suspenders!) but can never understand why art directors get these girls to keep their shoes on in bed. It's just weird, we think.

We have always been annoyed by people who only use an initial instead of a surname and Emma seems to go by both Balfour and Blocksage. Given that no one would choose to be called Blocksage (which sounds like a plumbing incident) we suspect that Emma Blocksage it is.

Emma, whilst now a lads mag favourite, actually started as a catwalk model, winning the prestigious "Elite Look of the Year" Model Competition in 1995. She became one of Elite's top names appearing in catwalk shows for Chanel, Prada, Valentino, Guess?, Dior, Jean Paul Gaultier, Westwood, Hamnett and Bella Freud and also appeared on the covers of Vogue, Elle, Harper's Bazaar, and Marie Claire. So how come she looks like a Page 3 girl now?

She won a big lingerie contract from Debenhams which led to a lot of interest from the tabloids and she regularly featured in the gossip columns.

As a result her modelling was now for the likes of FHM, Stuff, Maxim, Front, GQ, News of the World, The Daily Star, The Sun, Nuts and Zoo (oh dear).

In 2003, her Page 3 type calendar was one of the top five selling calendars in Britain. However she has never appeared toples, apart from these rather coy pictures.

In 2004 she took time off (oddly) to be with her family in Sussex. Yes, we know that her name sounds like she should hail from some grimy part of Up North but in fact she comes from the South East's own blighted little Up North; that dreary epicentre of high unemployment and crime, Hastings.

When she came back the world of high couture was long behind her (too old no doubt, when the new top models are fourteen). She forged a career appearing in low-rent reality TV shows. Yes we know they are all low-rent by definition but, Celebrity Wrestling, The Farm and Cirque de Celebrité? Did anyone actually watch any of these, other than those who caught Rebecca Loos masturbating a pig? Makes a change from David Beckham we suppose.

More Channel Five and Sky type fodder followed and she was the official face of, Spag knicker-maker, Sloggi's balloon racing team.

She is now a celebrity model for Ann Summers. How can you be a celebrity when no-one has ever heard of you? So It's not just my calendar that has gone downmarket.

She is one of those girls, however, that even looks good in paparazzi shots.

Oh well, maybe we miss Brazilian girls after all. Must get back to the tapas bar.

But (so to speak) we have to admit that Emma is (or was) a rather fine looking girl and this final photo more than holds it's own against any Brazilian supermodels.

Hooray for Britain!

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