We haven't posted on an Adventures of Triple P favourite, the utterly gorgeous Jade Ewen, since the news of her joining the Sugababes in September 2009.
Since re-recording all the tracks on their last album, which were originally done by Keisha Buchanan, she has been rather off the radar (other than bagging a TV soap actor boyfriend, lucky sod) although now she says that they are going back into the studio which will be her first proper album with them.
What we had managed to miss was that Ultimo lingerie had signed her up for their teen-focussed Miss Ultimo range. You have to give Ultimo boss, the appropriately named Michelle Mone, her due; she can smell fresh "relevant" tottie from five hundred miles.
The aggressively Scottish (aren't they all?) Mone dwarfs Jade at a recent Debenhams launch event
The previous spokesbody for Miss Ultimo was the quite pointless Peaches (daughter of St Bob) Geldof. At least Jade has a talent, she is really a pretty good singer, and she doesn't look like an Asda check-out girl out on the town in Dagenham.
Nevertheless, Mone is always on the look out for the next dolly she can undress to impress so Jade better work that singing as, no doubt, the next girl is already being lined up.
She lauched the "candyshop" range in October last year and since then has been paraded to the press for Christmas and more recently to launch Ultimo's Valentines Day range which has, surprise, surprise, a Scottish theme.
Jade looks lovely in her Valentines Day range shoot but we can't think that she will shift much product as it is...well, awful.
Take this little ensemble, for example. Even if you factor out the clashing green hold ups what is going on with the bra and knickers?
The only thing positive you can say about this picture is that Jade has very nicely toned legs
From the rear we can see that not only couldn't they afford enough lace to go all the way around but they have a really tacky looking applique heart on the back of the knickers. Not only does it look like the sort of underwear you would find in a 1970s dress-up paper doll it would be really annoying to sit on, you'd think.
Next we have a little gingham number. Now gingham can work quite well on lingerie but, again it looks like they have cut corners here too.
It looks like they couldn't afford enough check material and just stuck some on the front of a normal white set.
Poor Jade just about manages to rise above the silly hat but the addition of random white bows on the side isn't going to make those knickers any more interesting.
This one is really the only successful number in the whole collection but then ruffles always work on lingerie. A cute, rather than silly hat helps the overall photo as well.
This one is a pretty revolting colour scheme as well. It looks like the interior of a 1970s German architect's office.
The real problem with this stuff is that while it looks very nice on someone as frightfully well put together as Jade, it isn't really underwear at all. We can't imagine anyone actually wearing it underneath normal clothes, so maybe it's designed to be recreational wear for lounging about in in ones's loft apartment. Triple P has been known to buy recreational lingerie for his lady friends but we can't think that we would be tempted by any of this, Jade notwithstanding.
Never mind, Jade is obvioulsy smiling all the way to the bank!
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