Helena Christensen: Skinny?

I had dinner last night with Agent DVD who was opining about his list of top 5 attractive women. Needless to say Monica Bellucci was top of his list (fair enough!). I couldn't immediately come up with a list as my tastes tend to vary but I was trying to think of a top model who might fit the bill and Helena Christensen came to mind. Maybe it's because I have been in Denmark recently and was much taken by the strapping Danish Women on bikes I saw pedalling around Copenhagen. Agent DVD, however, thought she was "too skinny". Now I have to disagree here as she is one of the least skinny supermodels. She has hips, she has a bust, she is not built like Kate Moss. Here is the evidence. My favourite is the one at the bottom -nice vest!

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Miss Austria

There were some lovely girls wafting around Vienna and so it is worth doing the Miss Country X test.

The first Miss Austria that ever floated across my consciousness was, of course, the most famous of them all, Eva Reuber Staier, Miss World 1969. Probably still the only Miss World I can actually name. I think that she must have lived in London as she was always in the newspapers and on televison during the seventies. She appeared in three Bond films and even Space: 1999. She's 56 now..

The most recent, Tatjana Batinic, is Miss Austria 2006. A nice Slavic blonde with a strong nose, which I like.

Next we have: Isabella Stangl 2005 (top left), Silvia Hackl 2004 (top right), Tanya Duhovich 2003 (bottom left) and Celine Roscheck 2002 (bottom right). All attractive but my vote goes to Miss Austria 2001

This is Daniela Rocksenchaub, Miss Austria 2001. She smoulders nicely, has nice big lips, a very beautiful back and looks good in a sauna. She looks, in short as if she goes like a bomb. So, Agent Triple P awards Daniela my Empress of Austria award.

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Yummy Mummy: Patricia Velasquez

Agent Triple P has been watching Las Vegas series 3 for the last couple of weeks but fancied a change last night and watched The Mummy again. We'd forgotten what an enjoyable piece of nonsense it is. Any film that has Ancient Egyptians, the Foreign Legion battling Tuaregs, a shoot out on a paddle steamer, a 1920's Egypt setting, tombs and Rachel Weisz is well on the way. And that, of course, is without Patricia Velasquez, dressed mainly in body paint, sauntering to a truly great screen entrance at the beginning of the film.

When we first saw the film we were impressed by the Anck Su Namun character (and not just because of Patricia's obvious charms). Interestingly on the DVD commentary (recorded before the sequel) the director says what a good job she did and how he'd like her back for the sequel. Of course, she did come back for the sequel in a hugely expanded role. But Agent Triple P is not interested in her acting ability. Nor is he interested in the fact that she comes from a poor Venezuelan family and is an activist for Indian and Hispanic affairs. No, Agent Triple P is interested in her body.

Considering she was such a slim thing in her early Sports Illustrated Swimsuit photographs she actually looks sort of solid in the film. There is a hint of a belly and some weight around the hips. Nothing wrong with that and I suspect it has something to do with the American obsession with busts; they probably got her to put some weight on to boost her up.

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Mission to Vienna: The Inter-Continental Hotel

The first time Agent Triple P went to Vienna we stayed at the Marriott which, it turns out is a favourite of the Russian mafia. Very dull rooms and a disappointing restaurant were topped off by an even more disappointing hotel bar and the worst Vodka Martini we have ever had. The only saving grace was the identical twin chambermaids from Slovakia who attended to our room every morning. First class!

For our last two visits we stayed at the Inter-Continental, just around the corner on the south side of the Stadtpark. It's an ugly seventies pile but is much nicer inside. The Intermezzo bar on the ground floor was the first real American bar in the city but it does get very smoky in the evenings. Too much cigar smoke for Triple P. They do a good Martini, although last time we were there we broke a tooth on an olive stone!

The restaurant Vier Jahreszeiten at the Inter-Continental used to be one of the best in the city but recently it's been replaced by a more anonymous effort called Mediterraneo which has to serve triple purpose as a buffet breakfast venue in the morning, casual restaurant for lunch and a more formal dining area in the evening. The dinner is more than acceptable and the service was very attentive and friendly. The really rather lovely waitress we had suggested a quite wonderful Austrian sauvignon blanc.

The breakfast is one of the better breakfast buffets we have seen of late with the cooked breakfast getting extra points for having more than just the usual rubber scrambled eggs, slimy, fatty, leathern bacon (why is it you can only get good bacon in the UK?) and hash browns. Three sorts of sausage was complemented by proper mustard. Hooray! Nice grilled tomatoes too!

We had a nice suite with two (rather small) bathrooms, a large but strangely empty living room and a large bedroom. It was on a corner so had two aspects (see above views). Two TVs with 3 channels of dodgy films. The minibar (s -we had two) was pretty well stocked with drinks and snacks. There was a nice welcome gift of really quite a lot of chocolate and fruit and a large bottle of water. The young lady who accompanied me soon polished off the chocolate and vouched for its quality.

We'd stay there again but there is the suspicion that Vienna doesn't really have the really top class hotel it deserves...or we have yet to find it.

Room: 7/10

Bar: 7/10

Restaurant 7/10

Location: 7/10

Overall: 7/10

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Mission to Vienna: the scenery

It's a couple of weeks since our short trip to Vienna; one of our favourite cities in Europe with lots to see if you get the time. It's a very civilised city although most of the shops seem to be bookshops, chocolate shops or lingerie shops. The local lingerie chain, Palmers, had, as usual, a series of eye-catching life sized posters in their windows. These featured dancers from the Crazy Horse Saloon in Paris. Triple P had been to the Crazy Horse offshoot in the MGM Grand in Las Vegas in October and they very much have a house style; summed up in these posters. Very leggy, with small busts and tight bottoms the girls we saw in Las Vegas were genuinely some of the most beautiful women we had ever seen in our life. Mostly Central European and Russian of course, judging from their names.

Austrian women must buy a lot of lingerie as you can find one of these shops about every 150 yards in any direction in central Vienna. Given how much chocolate cake they also seem to eat and how many chocolate shops there are they either must work out a lot or Palmers really only sell very large sizes.

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Primeval: Hannah Spearitt

Agent Triple P is enjoying ITV's new Saturday evening fantasy drama Primeval. Produced by the team responsible for Walking with Dinosaurs (but also, unfortunately, Prehistoric Park) it is obviously aimed at the Dr Who audience whilst also having quite a lot of Torchwood in it. It isn't as good as Dr Who but it is better (or at least more entertaining) than Torchwood.

The dinky Hannah Spearitt from S-Club 7 has obviously been brought in to be a Billie Piper clone. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the acting ability nor the natural sexiness of Billie although she did look quite cute prancing about in her tiny, pink, hipster knickers the other week.

She's a straight up and down sort of girl but looked to have a well toned tummy. She is only 5'4", which is nicely portable, and still only 25 years old. I'm not too keen on her hair in Primeval, however: it has been bleached to within an inch of it's life and, as a result, looks rather like high-tensile straw.

Whilst no Rachel Stevens (left) in the body department she is enough to keep our interest until the end of the series.

Actually our favourite S Club girl was always Tina Barrett (above) because she was dark and obvious, had a better figure and great kissable lips. Big Brother showed how much Jo has gone off (she looks like an East End school dinner lady). She is only a year older than Hannah but looks ten years older now!

We taped last week's episode and missed this week's and will be away the next two weeks so w have ordered the DVD from Amazon (for under £13 -bargain) which comes out later in the month.

The dinosaurs are good too!

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Pensioners: stay out of supermarkets!

I had to rush round Waitrose on Saturday to get the shopping done as I had to get home by a certain time. Yet again the place was crawling with annoying Old People pushing their trolleys really slowly, blocking the aisles as they stop to chat and compare ailments with their wrinkly pals and paying for their shopping by counting out change from their purses. For Heaven's sake you can shop any day of the week. You don't have jobs to go to Monday to Friday. I don't have any choice but to shop at the weekend. Shop on Friday!

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Miss March..

..is Anne V holding herself delightfully together. I think this shot was taken in Las Vegas where I may have to go the week after next. Could be worse!

More Sports Illustrated lovelies at:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/2007_swimsuit/

I can't believe it is another month. I'm getting very behind on logging my missions as one has followed another virtually every week. I may try to rectify this at the weekend.

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