Russian Girls go Glossy

Where Agent Triple P lives we are bombarded by glossy free "lifestyle" magazines which are full of advertisements for £12,500 a year schools, £25,000 watches, £300,000 cars, £4,000,000 boats and £6,000,000 houses.

The most recent of these enormous waste of trees thudded through the letterbox last week and was even thicker, glossier and more over the top than usual. Interestingly, much of it seemed to be aimed at the increasing Russian population of the area: and we aren't talking about itinerant shelf-stackers here.

Agent Triple P was very taken by their fashion feature, primarily because most of it looked like it could have been the first picture in an early eighties Mayfair photo shoot. A couple of very dodgy looking girls looking suitably retro and lounging around in a boutique hotel. The thing about it was that it was clearly aimed at the sort of Russians who are interested in buying £25,000 ruby and diamond encrusted mobile phones, from the Cyrillic writing to the old-fashioned, trashy look of the women.

Magazine art directors love these photo features that tell a little story. This one is about as subtle as Pamela Anderson.

Here we have Natasha meeting up with her friend, Tanya, for a quick game of chess. Tanya is obviously a more sophisticated lady than her innocent young friend, as well as being the sort of woman who forgets her petticoats.

Later Tanya reads to her from a "privately printed" Victorian novel about a woman and her chambermaid. Natasha is shocked but strangely intrigued.

It's not long until Natasha is attending to Tanya's every whim.

The final picture is rather mysterious. Natasha has disappeared and Tanya is standing dominantly on a table looking like she is either going to jump on a reclining Natasha, invisible in front of her on the floor, or lift her skirts and pee on her. This is Agent Triple P's favourite picture! What a wonderful back!

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Prehistoric women had passion for fashion

Or so claim Reuters in one of those stories you get where they dress up some mundane archaeological finding and try to make it relevant to our lives today by twisting the facts out of all recognition.

In this case Balkan diggers in Plocnik, Serbia have been grubbing around for years excavating a 7,500 year old settlement.

"According to the figurines we found, young women were beautifully dressed, like today's girls in short tops and mini skirts, and wore bracelets around their arms," said archaeologist Julka Kuzmanovic-Cvetkovic. Hmm, methinks Julka has an eye for getting good coverage outside Archaeology Splod or whatever the local dirts-sievers comic is called.

Actually telling apart current and pre-historic Serbian culture is not that hard given the lack of progress since the Copper Age. No doubt the ancient Vinca people also had lots of men in dodgy leather jackets and bad haircuts running protection rackets, murdering their neighbours and selling their female relations as sex slaves.

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